marionLoh

Guess what time I slept last night? To be exact, I didn't sleep last night. I slept this morning.

Not proud of it, neither did I not sleep on purpose. The double-decker bed didn't like me yesterday; it was kinda shaky. My brother just went, "Hmm good luck to you when you sleep! You can sleep in the living room if you want!" and climbed up sleeping soundly. 

To be frank, I am very sure the bed wouldn't collapse on me, or even collapse at all. But just like how natural disasters might strike anytime, what could not happen? 

Rather than staying paranoiacally awake worrying about my safety on the bed which doesn't seems safe enough, I camped at the living room. I am not exactly someone who can sleep anywhere, especially when a baby lizard is crawling around the room, so I ended up reading a book.

So did I get any sleep? Sure, after I finished my book and my parents woke up, it was 6 plus. Then I had the whole queen-sized bed to myself. Couldn't sleep immediately because sadly my body is too used to my own bed, but if you missed your sleep time by 6 hours, you would be able to sleep anywhere if you try to. 

Woke up at 2 plus with my heart beating harder than normal (the usual symptom of sleeping late). And then I realised I am having rashes again. Not everywhere, not very obvious either, but I wish I knew more about my body and why this is happening. 

Lol I am beginning to realise this post is going nowhere. Alright, let me talk about the book I read: Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult.

Basically the book is talking about this mother, who doesn't believe in God, facing crisis in her life. Her child, Faith, seemed to be talking to God and started performing miracles. After reading the book I feel like a literature student all over again hahaha. This is a thought-provoking book that can be analysed over and over again, and every time you might find new things. 

When I wrote Keeping Faith, I wanted to look not at religion…but at belief. At how we can be spiritual without being religious. It is awfully hard to talk about religion without drawing a line in the sand…classifying “us” and “them” based on beliefs – but that’s exactly why I thought this book was so important. What if what you believed wasn’t as important as that you believed? What if we were all able to entertain someone else’s point of view about God? I like to believe this world would be a better, safer, more tolerant place. Source: http://www.jodipicoult.com/keeping-faith.html

I am a free-thinker, but I don't don't believe in God. I do believe God exist; I do believe in higher power. Just, my idea of God may be different from others, or I don't even have an idea of God. It's my belief. You don't have to see something to believe in it. You just feel so and do so. 

Like how I might believe sometimes what we are thinking might not be what we really think, but messages that we tab from others' brainwaves.  Like how I might believe sensing danger in a split second before it happens doesn't necessary come from logic but sixth sense. Like how I might believe there are angels guarding everyone and if you try hard enough you might be able to communicate with them. Like how you might believe what I am saying might be real. 

Sometimes, ignorance is a bliss. If I didn't know the double-decker bed was not stable, if I didn't know spirits exist, if I didn't know betrayal exist, I wouldn't be paranoid. 

Just because people don't see the 'thing' you believe (because you feel it rather than see it), doesn't mean it's not justified. It's a lot like mental hurt. You feel it, but no one sees it. Thus people find or make physical evidence of it. Like how people hurt themselves for physical proof that they are hurt. 

I do know I have deviated greatly from where the book. But that's the joy of free writing so I ain't stopping!

Another interesting thing I would like to point out: Love, I see it, but sometimes I don't really feel it. I always get a hint before people starts to drift away, and so far, without knowing it, I either distance myself away first, or be in denial. 

That's the thing about holding too many things. Either it all falls apart when something comes dropping on your hands later, or you try to let go some of it which you clearly can't. 

As far as I know, trusting and loving are natural things that makes you suffer if you ever try to go against it. But when in some situation, in order to protect yourself from getting harm, you might just have to hurt yourself first, in a different way, before the reality gets to you. 

There are still a lot of things that I don't know about myself, and more things that I didn't know I did. 

PS: Where should I sleep tonight~